Mom of the Year and dog days

Let me begin with the fact that we don't own a dog. Our kids are terrified of dogs. But today, I was compared to a dog. New one for this Mom.

Our nights have been somewhat busy. Not just our 6 P.M.-9 P.M. but our say, 1 A.M. to 5 A.M.  Linley  now sleeps on her belly and loses the paci.  I must find it for her, about 4 times last night. Finally, we succumbed and John, blessed husband and dad that he is, fed her at 4 A.M.  No, I didn't run this morning despite the fact the alarm sounded, and apparently I told him numerous times to let me "snooze". 

The day begins at 7:30, Linley crying ready for morning bottle and Caleb wakes up wanting his morning warm milk. Note: he goes to sleep with his warm milk as well.  So, to keep from waking Ethan I tell him to grab his sippy cup and off we go. In my not-yet-awake mood, I rinse out Caleb's cup, put in the milk, warm, and now happy Caleb.  Time to feed Linley.  Halfway through the bottle Caleb informs me his sippy cup is "Stuck." He can't get his milk out.  Hmm, that's odd.  Linley finishes her bottle, time for cereal then all of a sudden it happens... Caleb starts throwing up.   Oh no. Enough said.  He then proceeds to tell me he's "Choking on milk." Bless him. 5 piles later of soured milk I finally grab his sippy cup and open it. That's when I see it.  Dum, dum, dummmmmm- last night's soured milk 1/2 inch deep stuck to the bottom of the cup.  No wonder the kid was tossing his cookies, he drank the curdled milk and then had to get it out of him.  After that, he asked for more milk and wanted pizza and cheese sticks for breakfast. What did he eat for breakfast? Pizza and cheesestick and warm milk. 

Somehow the child ends up with no clothes on throughout the morning even though I have yet to find that poop. 

Today is my grandmother's 91st birthday.  Big discussion of how old that is. Ethan wants to know that once she turns 100 does she die.  My prayer is that he not bring THAT up at the birthday party.  Oh, did I mention Caleb had to poop in his underwear at Thelma's?  Get him cleaned up and changed and now his bottom is hurting. Do I have any baby powder on me? Of course not. But Thelma, being 91 years old, has some kind of "Parfume powder" that only ladies of that generation keep. Now Caleb smells like a girl, but hey, it beats poop smell and no longer complaining about a hurt bottom. 

Linley had a rough afternoon and morning so she and I stayed home from church tonight trying to keep her happy.  She actually had a LONG nap.  PTL.  Isn't it amazing how cleaning can make a mom feel like she can take on the world? I mean, I didn't know how much rice and cheese an almost 3 year old and 5 year can drop under a table, but man. And to mention the fact that when your husband starts mentioning that his feet are sticking to the floor underneath the kitchen table, you must do something.  Floors swept and mopped, clothes off the line and hung up, clean bedsheets.  Wow, I feel almost semi-normal. 

To my dismay I have to actually wake Linley up to bathe her and get her ready for bed.  The boys are home from church.  It's so excitin gto hear all the fun stuff they did tonight at the end of school bash at church. Caleb told me he cried. Surprising.  Ethan raced all sorts of kids;  won and lost some.  Then, Linley is ready for nightgown when Caleb walks in with no pants on, again. 
"I pooped."
Reverse psychology from me: "In the potty?"
Look of "Now that's a novel idea." but replies with "No."
"Where?"
"By the toilet."
"Look, it's on my foot."
'WHAT?????!!!!! WHERE???"
Caleb sits, to my dismay again since he's not wearing undies, and shows me his foot with poop on it. 
UGH.

Linley on the changing table, Caleb poop on his foot, Ethan begging for water and the fingernail clippers that are STILL MIA.   No, Ethan, you have to get your own water I have to deal with the poop. Caleb, don't move, stay beside your sister.  Now I fetch, good term here, the carpet cleaner. Can I see the poop on the floor? Why no, of course not, I got this beige carpet for a purpose since we have children. So, now I'm on all fours smelling the carpet from where I think Caleb walked from the bathroom to Linley's room.  The sprayer is too cool so everyone wants a turn to spray.  Someone, stay next to your sister. 
"Mom, what are you doing? Are you smelling like a DOG?" 
"Yes, I am. Trying to find this poop to clean up."

So picture me, on the floor on all fours, smelling with Ethan and Caleb beside me watching me while they are trying to convince me they can spray the can. 

Enter the scene John: "What are you doing?"
Ethan: "Smelling like a DOG for Caleb's poop."

Now, I need to borrow my sister's steam vac again.