Car troubles

Today we had an adventure...in the van...that was NOT how we had planned...

As we are making our way to Mams and Pops' house tonight, we had to make a couple stops along the way.  Wal-Mart (shocker), Tractor Supply (cows), and Lowe's (of course).  Wal-Mart was the highlight since we spent Christmas money and the boys bought two new light-sabers that apparently have a light saber on EACH end, two for the price of two :P  We then make it to TSC and I hear in the back, "When is Dad coming? Is it time to go eat at Mams and Pops yet?"  "We're almost done and then we'll be at Mams and Pops'".  At this point Abigail is starting to protest as well since she is ready for supper.  

Next stop, Lowes.  John goes in to my somewhat lecture: Go as fast as you can. Abigail is fussing and is ready to eat.  (Of course she isn't as I'm pointing this out to John).  John goes in and the complaining starts, "Mom, how long is Dad going to be in there?  Is he coming?  I've been praying to Jesus that he will come out but he STILL isn't coming. Are we going to live here?"  My response: "He is coming, I told him to hurry because of Abigail. Sometimes it just takes a little while to get things." Ethan, "I don't think he heard you."  Please note: John is finishing out our shower now so I will gladly wait at Lowe's while he buys supplies.  Well, as gladly as you can with four kids in the car, two questioning, one screaming about the dvd of choice, and the baby crying for supper.  I give Abigail her bottle, John comes out during this so I load up and sit (very uncomfortably) in between two captains chairs and start on the rest of our journey to Mams and Pops' house.  Until, John turns the key in the ignition and the van will not start.  And chaos sets in...  Apparently, watching a dvd with two players, doors opening and closing, charging a cell-phone and/or a kindle-fire at one time will drain a battery.  Just in case you didn't know.  

After John and I exchange a few looks and what are we going to do now we reassure the kids (mainly Ethan) that we are not stuck here forever.  John gets out and starts questioning people in the parking lot for jumper cables, which are ALWAYS in the other vehicle. Or, for the guy wearing nothing but Tennessee gear and John wearing nothing but UK gear (yes we were going to watch the game) he wasn't all about some neighborly help.  As John runs into Lowe's to find either the battery charger or jumper cables this is the discussion in the van:

Ethan: Mom, what are we going to do?

Me: Wait on Dad, we will get it fixed.

Ethan: Mom, what are we going to do?

Ethan: What are we going to do Mom?
Ethan: Mom, what are we going to do?

Ethan: Mom, what are we going to do?
Ethan: What are we going to do Mom?

Ethan: Mom, did you call Mams and Pops? Are they coming to get us?

Me: No, I text them.  We will get someone here to jump us off.  

I stopped counting that question after 6 times repeatedly.  Then, the natives get restless and get out of their seats.  

Caleb: OWWWWWW!!!! He just hit me!!!!!!

Ethan: Mom, are we going to live here?

Linley: I want out!!!!!!

Abigail: WAAAAA!!!

Ethan: Do you know how long people can live without food?  

Me: 40 days.

Ethan: We are not Jesus. Only 1-2 days.

Me: apparently you didn't see Unbroken.

Caleb: We're all going to die.  Mom, are we going to die?

Me: We're not going to die.  It's the battery. Just wait on Dad.

Caleb: We're going to die and go to hell.

Ethan: We're not going to hell we're going to Heaven.

Me: What are we talking about?

Linley: I want out!!!!!

Abigail: WAAAA!!!!!

Caleb: OWWW! He just hit me!!!

Okay, so that new purchase from Wal-Mart is seriously fixing to be in the dumpster if they cannot figure out that a double light-saber does NOT need to be practiced in the van. 

John comes back out of Lowe's with jumper cables and he flags down a good Samaritan worker coming in off their lunch break who brings his car over.  During this time, I have tried to start this van at least one hundred times.  

Ethan: Mom, this is the end. This is it for the Cole Family.

Me: Ethan, McDonalds is right behind us.  We can walk there.

Ethan: Yeah, and we can drive to the hotel. 

Me: Hellloooo, no van working.

Ethan: Oh yeah.

Caleb is now in the back singing to Abigail trying to get her to be quiet.  

And then it happens.... it starts!!!   Cheers erupt in the van!! 

Ethan:  YAAAYYYY!!!  We're saved!!!!  Can we go eat now? Have Mams and Pops eaten yet?  

We finally make it to Mams and Pops' house, watch the game, watch Ethan and Caleb practice their Star Wars moves with their double light-sabers  and hit themselves on the back of their head repeatedly (definitely going to have to be working on that hand-eye coordination thing with this toy), get through swimming in their pool (aka Mams' tub), and come back home.  

Holy cow.  What an interesting evening.  

Uh oh, never a dull moment.

So, Linley Claire is going on 3.  With Caleb, I have blogged and blogged about all of his antics.  Let's just say Linley Claire, giving him a run for his money. This all happened just THIS week, so far we are only 5 days into this week.

Sunday:  Linley is telling me she has pooped in her diaper.  So, off we go, let's go clean up (yes, she is NOT potty trained, not for lack of trying on my part).  I notice on her way down from the top bunkin the boys' room that there was a little on her leg, her diaper must have leaked.  Then, I see her hands, specifically her fingers.  Of course, I had to smell because you never know who has been sneaking chocolate around here.  Rest assured, this is definitely NOT chocolate.  Off to the bathroom to wash hands along with a lecture that we do not stick our hands in our diaper and touch poop.  Then, to change the diaper I now see the front of her legs.  There is smeared poop all up and down her right leg.  Picture dried chocolate pudding here.  Seriously?  Why on God's green earth would you put poop on a leg?  So now, as I'm changing the diaper I know that there has to be poop somewhere else.
Me: Linley, where is the rest of the poop?
Linley: In my diaper.
Me: Linley, where is the rest of the poop you pulled out of your diaper?
Linley: In Ethan's bed.

For the love, you have got to be kidding me.  I call John, who doesn't even question when I say strip Ethan's bed, don't show it to me, just put it in the washer.

Tuesday: I'm teaching library at the new Christian school we have started at our church. Mrs. Jeanne, John's mom, is watching the girls.  I'm into the lesson on fiction versus non-fiction when I hear our music minister say, Tori Cole? She's right there?  So, who is that woman running frantically through the church looking for me?  Oh, surely not MY MOTHER IN LAW WHO HAS BOTH GIRLS!!!  After about a mini-heart attack I am told that Linley has stuffed a lego up her nose and she cannot get it out and she is here with both of them.  Thankfully our music minister had the light app on his phone, and yes, far up in the left nostril is a lego, lodged in her nostril, behind the cartilage.  I closed her right nostril and blew in her mouth.  Nothing. Did it again, nothing.  Did I mention that to do this to a two year old surrounded by adults is really not the easiest way to get a lego out.  I finally get the dr on the phone, Russ is calling John who is teaching a college class at the moment,  and I'm trying to convince Linley to blow her nose.  Let's just say there is a reason God made her the child who can blow her nose the best.  Out it shot onto the sanctuary floor during one good blow.  Bless her. I really didn't know whether to laugh or cry considering our pastor walks out with the longest pair of tweezers I've ever seen in my life to help with the situation.

Wednesday: Abigail is sick with a cold and mad as a hornet. I take her to get the mail and walk back in, and I hear Linley.  Crying. Seriously?  I took a couple steps out of the house to get the mail and what has she done?  Gotten in the jumparoo and gotten stuck.  Picture this, her knees are touching the ground and her ankles are behind her back.  And she is stuck.  I mean, I'm pulling her and pulling her and canNOT get her out. I eventually turn the thing over sideways, move an ankle, and tug and out she pops.  Now, she laughs hysterically at this: "I stuck in dere."

Thursday:  I'm getting orders together for my business in the basement. She is down there with me doing her thing.  She tells me now, "I stuck." She is literally 5 feet from me standing but she has walked around some boxes and the treadmill.  "Are you stuck over there? Just walk back around the treadmill?" You know, she's two.  Just walk around it.  No no. She is STUCK. To the GLUE board that has some other insects stuck to it like a couple dead beets among other insects (this is our basement).  So I go over and have to hold onto the glue board, she tugs her legs, and finally her foot comes off the glue board.  And the dead insects stay on.  Lecture again: we do not put our feet on glue boards with insects stuck to them.

This girl, oh this girl.  She cracks me up constantly and truly is a blessing.  This afternoon I told her, in the car, to just take a nap for a minute.  And I turn back around, next thing I know, I hear snoring. Love her.

Turkey Break

Lots of things going on around here as usual. If I had time to write weekly I would, but I don't. So here is everything all at once.

I want to be like my kids when I grow up.

We've been talking about ISIS lately and what is happening to Christians in other countries. Specifically, children who love Jesus enough to die for Him.  The boys were discussing this right before prayer time the other night.

Caleb: Yes!!!!!  I want to die!!! I GET TO SEE JESUS!!!!!!

Ethan:  No.  We can't die yet. We need to tell others about Jesus.

Yeah, so I just sat there in silence.  My kids, no worries, no what would happen to me?  Just complete elation to see Jesus and the other the job that needs to be done.  Man.  I want to be like them when I grow up.

The Ten Commandments

Last week we went to the park while Ethan played soccer.  Caleb hit a little girl.  I didn't see it, but I knew it was him because he WILLINGLY went and apologized to her when I told him to.  (Please understand, Caleb does not WILLINGLY apologize to anyone.)  So even though I asked him if he hit her and he said, "No I didn't do it," and "She hit me in the back" I knew that the truth was not being told.  I let that one slide about lying.  For one, I was at the park surrounded by people, 2, monumental step forward for him not throwing a fit to say sorry to a complete stranger, and 3, I had a baby strapped to my chest and a two year old running around my feet.

The next night all 3 are in the tub.  We have the color tablets and I have a rule that only one or two get to go in the tub a night. We don't need brown water, it's dirty enough.  So, when I spilled them and turn around to start picking them up Caleb jumps out of the tub and grabs another and quickly throws it in the tub.  Then, he tells on himself (guilty conscience).  

Caleb: I put another one in.  (Now quickly) One of those fell in the tub.

Me: Caleb, you are lying. That is not the truth.  That does not make God happy, that is breaking one of the ten commandments...we have our talk.  Caleb, that is two times that I have caught you lying.  More discipline talk.

Caleb: tantrum in tub

Ethan: Mom, you need to show grace to Caleb.   Remember, Jesus shows us grace and you should show him some grace.

Me: Ethan, Caleb is lying. I love him too much the let him sin. He has to learn that he can't lie.  

Caleb: continue fit

Ethan to Caleb: Ethan gives him a big lesson on discipline and ends with this: "You won't want to sin anymore and Mom loves you and wants to teach you not to sin."

At this point I think Ethan should be the parent.  

Linley Claire has dropped taking her paci. She just forgot about it one night and I never mentioned it because I knew it was somewhere OUTSIDE and there was no way I was going to look around outside at 9 at night for a paci.  I mean, I did that last week, I'm not going to do it again this week.  So, she's only asked for it a few times.  I mean, wow.  God blessed me with this answer to prayer. Now I'm moving on to potty training.  Here's to hoping she does it by herself...there is always a chance right?

Turkey break 

Our steer decided to wreak havoc on the turkey pen.  So they are out now.  I'm not a big fan of the turkeys, let's leave it at that.  Last night I was taking Caleb to soccer practice and I drive by our neighbors house and out of the corner of my eye I see some huge birds on top of their car.  Is it a crane? Hmm, that's weird.  Then, I turn and I see it:

Those are our turkeys on top of their car.  Holy cow. So naturally I call John.  He is dealing with Abigail so I turn around and go back and deal with them.  I start hysterically waving my arms and they just stare at me.  I grab a stick and try to shew them and they turn their backs to me, I throw the stick and it sticks in the feathers.  For crying out loud, help a girl out here.  I grab a long stick and am running around the car poking them trying to get them off.  As I am doing this, they are pooping quarter cups fulls of poop all over the top of their car.  Are you kidding me?   I finally get the female off and then I start poking at Tom.  Tom, the one with the black beard and on the hood, is kind of arrogant and likes to strut his stuff. I have to say I was running on the other side of the car to get back to the van making sure he wasn't chasing me.  

I get back in the van, Caleb is in the middle next to Linley watching all of this go down.  I wonder what he thinks in his head about me?  We start heading to soccer practice.  I call John. He asks me if I tried to get them to head back to our house. And that's a negative.  Last time I saw them they were headed to the big road, and honestly, I wasn't about to stop them.  We make it to soccer after all of this and low and behold, soccer is CANCELLED.  Now Linley Claire is throwing a fit because she wants to go to soccer practice.  Bless her.  She's two.  Soccer is for Caleb.  We get home after this thirty minute rendezvous and John has the turkeys back in the pen and Abigail asleep.  At least that's accomplished.  I talked to our neighbors this morning and apologized and offered the boys' services of cleaning the car but they had already done it (it's 10 in the morning!! holy cow!!) and she was wondering what it was on there.  Squirrel, cat?  I don't know why she wouldn't right off the bat think of turkeys.  I mean, that's only natural.
*If you want two midget white turkeys, John has them listed on craigslist.  I'm sure we will give you a good deal for them!*

Just a few of the blessings going on around here and I wouldn't change a thing, Well, except for the pooping turkeys, but what would one of my blogs be without a little bit of poop?

Seriously, I cannot make this stuff up.

So, I am behind again and Iwill have to backtrack on all that has happened in the past month and a half with Abigail's arrival. But, I had to write this one down before I forget.

Yesterday I ventured out the entire morning with the whole crew, AKA 4 children, by myself.  Having to deal with a newborn plus a 2 1/2, 5, and 7 year old was actually not that bad.  Church, hearing tests, McDonalds, picking apples,  and then back home.  They were so good at McDonalds that all the senior citizens there kept saying how GOOD my kids were.  Okay, once I literally laughed out loud in a ladies face when she said that because she was specifically talking about the boys.  Now they were being wonderful.  I mean it, I was feeding Abigail in McDonalds and we hung out there for an hour while we got everyone fed including the baby plus refills, multiple ketchup refills,  ketchup spills, loss of shoes.  So, when John went to his meeting last night I should have been prepared......

I was on the computer, literally for maximum 10 minutes trying to get an order in for a party I had online.  I had Abigail in my room supposedly sleeping, which means of course she was not,  two boys in the bathtub.  and Linley Claire snacking on an apple that I had peeled for her.  Then, I hear Linley losing it in the bathroom with the boys.  She comes crying to me and throwing a fit about cleaning her apple.

Me: Linley, your apple is fine.
Linley: NOOOOO CLEAN MY APPLE!!!

And 2 year old temper tantrum begins including throwing things in the floor.  I have to straighten her out and she finally settles down in my lap while I'm finishing up my order.  The boys come in.

Me: What in the world was Linley so upset about?
Ethan: She was upset because we threw her apple in the toilet.

Yes, you read that right.  Toilet.  This is the next kicker:

Me: WHAT?  
Ethan and Caleb thinking to themselves: Why does mom look like her head is fixing to spin off? ... We just busted ourselves.
Me:  Was there pee in it?
Ethan and Caleb cautiously now: yeeeesssss.
Me: WHHHHHAAAATTTT???  How did she get it out?
Ethan: She put her hand in it.
Me: WHHHHHAAATTTT???!!!

Linley is sitting in my lap at this point, eating her apple, playing around on the keyboard of the laptop.  EEEWWWWWW!!!!!


I go into the bathroom and this is what I see:

Not only is there water all over the floor, the toilet lid is up, the scrub brush is in it, and yes, there is pee in it.  Of course, I naturally send the boys straight to their room and Linley and I go to the bathroom and I do the 20 question game.

Me: Linley,  where was you apple?
Lineley: in there.
Me: Where?
Linley, pointing: in toilet.
Me: Who put in there?
Linley: dey did.
Me:  How did you get it out?
Linley: with dat. (pointing to scrub brush).
Me: Show me.
She did.  Then, she giggles.  Holy moley. I am on the phone with my twin sister and instead of completely having a mental breakdown I go into hysterical laughing. Literally, crying we're laughing so hard.
I give Linley her bath and she runs into the boys room naked laughing at them.  What do they do? Launch lincoln logs at her. At this point here comes a sermon, a very PASSIONATE sermon.  That ended with both boys hugging Linley, apologizing, and asking her if they could get out of timeout because that was up to her.  She did, enter sermon about receiving mercy and love which they did not deserve and we do not deserve from Jesus, once again very passionately given.

So, lesson learned here:  1. Jesus shows us mercy and love that we do not deserve and we can too.
                                      2. When your two year old asks to wash her apple, do it.

Caleb is 5!

 Yes, it is late, but don't think I forgot!!5 things about Caleb for his 5th Birthday!

1. Brave.  You know, Caleb, from the Bible, was one brave guy. That's who we named you after. And, you fit that name to a tee.  At SMACK, our Children's Choir at church, one afternoon I saw you in the back of the church. You and Ethan were horsing around with a 5th grader.  Who, is at least 2 feet taller than you.  Then, I see you run up and try to hit him and beat on him. Of course, I jump in and get you to come help me.  But, it wasn't til about 30 minutes later when one of our church members came up to me and told me what was really going down.  You see, this 5th grader was not being the kindest to you and Ethan. So, naturally, what would you do?  Try and beat him up.  It never even entered your mind that this kid was in 5th grade and you were fixing to turn 5.  BRAVE is what I call it.

2.Funny.  Yes, being the second born I think you tend to be the funny one.  It seems that everything you tend to do gets me to laugh, or sometimes want to pull my hair out.  But, you always are funny, even when you aren't trying to be. That is a gift that God will use.

3. Detail oriented.  Now, don't get me wrong. When it comes to chores there is a lot to be learned here. But, when it comes to school, legos, games etc, you are one of the most detail oriented people I have ever seen. I think you get that from your dad.  Not many 5 year olds can pull off a lego set made for 12 year olds and then notice when a  piece is out of place.

4. Creative.  You love to draw, write, color, and build.  Seriously. You much rather use a blank piece of paper as opposed to a coloring book.

5. Energetic.  You require the least amount of sleep of anyone in the house.  Literally.  You are the first to get up and a morning person, a night person, a middle-of-the-day person.  It kills me sometimes.  

Caleb, God has blessed our family with you.  You are an amazing child of God. He is going to use you to do great and mighty things for Him!! I can't wait to see!!  I love you! Happy 5th Birthday!!!

Beach days

Before Abigail gets here our family decided to venture to Fort Morgan, AL.  It was quite a trip!!

The drive to and from the beach with three children actually was quite uneventful. Luckily, John bought new (to them) dvd's of Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers and we watched over 600 minutes of that on the trip.  Needless to say when I walked through various places and am singing Rescue Rangers theme song you know why.

The beach itself was quite fun.  Linley didn't scream at each and every wave so that was a major plus.  It wasn't burning up so that was also a blessing. However, it was quite windy and we didn't get to in the waves as much.

The seagulls were very entertaining.  I would say there were anywhere from 50-100 on any given day.  They were staying a little bit in from the beach due to a low spot where alot of water from the monsoon they had the week before.  So, we had to walk through poop infested water to get back to the boardwalk.  That was quite interesting.  Ethan and Caleb didn't enjoy walking through poop everytime we had to go back.  You can imagine the conversations and funny runs through it.  
Speaking of seagulls...  we were sitting on the beach building sand castles when the kids wanted snack time.  So, we get out our snacks and enjoy ourselves. Of course, we had a couple spills of cheeze its and graham crackers  but no biggee.  Then, all of a sudden I notice the sea gulls getting closer and closer.  They are no longer walking on the beach but are starting to fly overhead.  Then, they swoop in lower and lower to where they are about 10 feet above us.  Squawking warnings at us.  Side note: did I mention I'm not a fan of Wizard of Oz because of the flying monkeys?  Yes, this is what those seagulls reminded me of.  Back to story: Caleb, Linley and I start noticing how close these are when they suddenly start swooping down right at us trying to get our snacks, especially the ones that are scattered around us on the sand.  They take turns squawking and swooping as fast as they can getting pieces of snack.  I, of course, do not play it very cool.  Picture 7 month pregnant woman, surrounded by three children, and angry, menacing seagulls swooping down at us.  I jump up and run as fast as I can in circles screaming at John.  I'm sorry, but what can he do? He's right next to me building a castle.  So, Ethan and Caleb jump up and start grabbing sand and throwing it trying to deter those mongrels and Linley is just sitting there watching all this happen.  I am running around like a raving lunatic screaming while I just left my two year old sitting in the midst of it all.  John then brings that to my attention. I then muster as much courage as possible and enter the ring of flying seagulls and retrieve Linley while the boys are trying to chase them. Those flying monkey seagulls stayed flying overhead of us for about 20 minutes...as long as they could see the snack bags!!!!!!!  If we even put a hand in the snack bag they would all fly over to us thinking it was treat time.

Needless to say, the beach was wonderful and we had a great time...all except for the seagulls.

We also went put-put golfing.  Ethan and Caleb were Tiger Woods with 3 hole in ones between the two of them plus a couple Happy Gilmore shots.  John and I were the only two who landed our golf balls in the water stream, with all three kids missing it. How is that possible?  

This is not the Dominater.

Yes, this post is a long time coming.  And let me begin by letting you know that John aspires to be a tornado chaser.  One of his favorite shows was on Discovery called Storm Chasers with Reed Timmer.  If you know about Reed, he invented a car called the Dominater that can withstand some tornadoes.  It actually goes inside the tornado.

A couple weeks ago John and I were on our way to his parents house for a quick dinner before I had a meeting.  Typical spring day here, threats of storms and tornadoes had just been through further south.  John and I had a discussion on the way over about how many people who watch live Tornado chasing videos online.  Reed has a website-www.tornadovideos.net, that shows their live feeds from their cars chasing tornadoes, and it shows on there how many people are viewing the different chasers.  We were also discussing how people are looking for something exciting in their lives to happen.  We then eat a quick meal and start heading back so I can make it to my meeting in time when we are driving are a back road.  Discussion:
Me: John, do you see that?
John: That looks like a funnel cloud. (As we are driving towards it)
Me: It IS a tornado!!!!! (In the short span of time as we said this it literally dropped down about 3 miles away from us).
John: Get your camera!

John stops on the back road and we start filming.  Of course, I am not as adventurous as John, especially when it comes to tornadoes, and I give him a look that says, YOU ARE CRAZY DO NOT STOP HERE!!!!  But, of course, John calmly says that it isn't coming our way and we sit and watch.  The commentary that followed was very interesting:

John: Boys, do you see that tornado?
Caleb: YEAH! A tornado!!
Ethan: I don't see it.
Caleb: It's right there!!
Ethan: I don't see it.
Caleb: It's right there!!
Ethan: I'm scared.
John: don't be scared. It isn't coming this way.
John-looking at me: Can we turn around, cut back towards it, and get a better view?
Me: With a look on my face that says, ARE YOU CRAZY? But in a calm voice, replies: No, we have kids in the car.
John nods. He knew it.  But still wanting to be in the Dominater and intercept this tornado.  The tornado then goes further down and touches ground, heaving up a steeple from the church he grew up in, as well as a trampoline of people living next door.
Me: DID YOU SEE THAT?
John: Yes!!!
Ethan: Mom, I'm done with my pickle.  What can I do with it?
Me: Throw it out.  It's a pickle.  The birds will enjoy.
Ethan: Can you just open the door so I can jump out and throw it out?
Me: No, just try and stuff if out your window. We are on a road. We can't just open up the doors and let you jump out.  (As two sheriff vehicles go flying by with their sirens on, apparently they are secret tornado chasers too.  Did mention that there is a tornado only a couple miles away?)
John: Boys, watch the tornado.  You may never see this again in your life.
Caleb: Can we go yet?
Ethan: I can't get my pickle out the window.
Me: Ethan, just squish it down.
Caleb: Is it over? Can we go now?
John: Just watch the tornado.

John calls his family and gets them on the phone informing them a tornado is on the way, (it did go directly over their house but it was not down on the ground).  We go by the church and see the steeple as well as the people next door and praise the Lord all were safe.  So, John actually got a tornado chase in, even though it wasn't on purpose and he didn't get to lower the spikes in the minivan, he did get to  watch a real tornado only a few miles away.  A few miles away is too close for me.

http://youtu.be/_me50jHoM-Y