Me and Cows-we just don't geehaw. Don't get me wrong, cows are great animals. They provide milk, they provide meat, they are great lawnmowers. However, to choose one of God's favorite creatures for me would NOT be the cow. We slaughter a cow once a year. That provides us meat (and a way cheaper grocery bill) for an entire year. We are picking up dear old Spot on Friday from the slaughter house. We just got a new calf in-has to be fed a bottle twice a day. Oh, so cute, you may think. Yes, that's what I thought to. Until...
Yesterday morning, 6:45 A.M.-fill up the bottle with scalding water and head outside. 27.1 degrees F. Yes, it is cold. Just got done with a blessed run (and that it really was). I make the bottle and head down to the barn. I go into the barn and see that lovely calf anxiously awaiting my arrival. Breakfast. I open the door and am almost plowed down by a 100lb St. Bernard sized calf. Apparently, I'm not fast enough to get the bottle in the holder. He gets behind me and litterally headbutts my rear end with his slobery cold nose. Are you kidding me? Now cow, let me tell you a few things-1. Don't bite (or head butt) the hand(rear end) that feeds you.
2. Do you know what time it is or the temperature? You should be thankful I'm out here in this freezing weather with a hot bottle to feed you.
For some reason I don't think the calf would appreciate my lecture.
This morning, 7:30 A.M. I head outside to feed the calf again. I go into the field and who meets me but the bull and the goat. Okay, so this bull does has horns. And apparently he wants more than just grass for his breakfast. I, quite hurriedly, get into the barn to feed the baby calf. I'm holding the bottle feeding the terrible mannered calf when behind me comes the bull INTO the barn stall with me. This is not my idea of good. Got the calf fed and much to his dismay there in none left. So I head out of his stall and he is trying to headbutt me some more because apparently he wanted more. And then I face the bull. But wait, I can't get out of the barn. The bull is on the other side, horns on the door. He really wants something besides grass. I finally get out of that side of the barn by bribing him with an empty calf bottle. Not a good move on my part, now he wants this bottle. So I run into the other side of the barn where the straw is. I can't even shut the door because the bull is behind me trying to eat the bottle!! So, I finally get in the other side of the barn with bulls head stuck in the door and I can't get it shut. Ugh. He pulls out and there I am stranded, in the barn, a bull on the outside, me and straw on the inside.
What in the world am I going to do? I'm stuck IN A BARN. And who is here to get me out? Ethan and Caleb who are still in the house watching Cat in the Hat. They will get hungry so they would come out to get me. Distraction. -Yes, this is how a woman's brain works.
So, I grab some straw, toss it as far away from the entrance as possible and make a break for it. That sufficed.
Now, this afternoon I get to do this again. Me vs the cows. So, I have to say, my kids have taught me many things. For one, I must laugh or I will scream. Two, prayer is vital. Three, if you want to scare a cow run up to it and scream at the top of your lungs. So, I tried that on the way to the barn. I'm walking briskly to the barn hoping the bull will fail to notice me. No such luck. I turn around, he stops, and I scream at the top of my lungs walking towards the bull. He must have thought I was crazy. I get the baby calf fed and run in a few circles with him as I grab my so-called "weapon" to make it back to the yard. Yeah, I bet I looked tough, in my fleece heart pajama pants, pink ear warmers, calf bottle, and 7 foot tall stick that has calf poop on it. I head outside. Yep, I'm definitely intimidating. Just call me Tori the Intimidator. That bull looked at me and ate his scrap of straw left over from this morning. Ha, I won this one.
Did I mention tonight is AWANA pajama night? The boys and I are all dressed up in our pj's heading to church. I had to change my pj's from the cow trip because that calf made me stink, or so I thought. I get in the house and man, all I smell is poop. Cow poop. Then, I hear Caleb, Mom I pooped. Cow poop. Kid poop. I'm surrounded by poop.
Pj's changed, kids loaded, and doggone it if I don't smell that cow poop again in the van. What in the world? That's when I scream aloud in the van, MY SHOES!!! Yes, my kids probably think I should be in a looney bin somewhere. Then, an explanation to them why I screamed my shoes. Must have made a real impression on Ethan, he told all kinds of people at AWANA tonight why I wasn't wearing my shoes, they smell like cow poop.
So, tonight, off to bed. In the morning: run, and meet my nemesis again.
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