I don't make this up.

Yes, this really happened. No, I did not make it up.

Brief synopsis of our day before the mayhem: Ran, started stairclimbing, kids up at 6:45, fed everyone, played, finished stairclimbing, gardened, tended to animals (farm animals not my kids here), went to Murray and swam with my sister, niece, and nephew, burnt to a crisp (don't call me Tori, call me Tortilla, as in crispy Tortilla), cleaned up house so it didn't look like a tornado had been through, started supper.

Setting: One baby in the crib, one 5 year old on a couch, and one 3 year old ran outside. Mom running around the house.

Ethan is trying to recuperate from a long day swimming, Caleb of course now has energy to go on for hours, and Linley is asleep. I'm on the phone with my twin sister and what do I see? Caleb, entering the house, with black marks all over his entire body, except for his face (thank goodness). Hands, arms, palm of his hands, fingernails, ankles, tops of feet, shirt. What in the world? Oh, I know. He found the KING SIZE BLACK PERMANENT MARKER outside where I had taken it out of the van. Who needs canvas people? Use yourself for body art. Then, here it comes, "Mom, I pooped!" Seriously, so now we have a child covered in black permanent marker with poop in his underwear. I've got to get off with my sister now, after some serious complaining of what I'm fixing to have to do.

Me: "Do not move. Go to the bathroom, and stay there. The wipes are out in the van." Yes, I left them there from our swimming field trip today and I was NOT about to go in Linley's room to get the others and wake her up.

I run outside to the van, grab the wipes, turn around, and now on the top steps of the porch is my partially naked 3 year old, marker and all, with pants off and poop stuck to his rear. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Back to the bathroom we go. But wait, what is that I kicked...in the hall? Oh yes, piece of poop. (I'm sighing as I'm writing this piece). Start to clean the boy up and the next conversation is the kicker.

Caleb:"I want my prize!" In a very whiney voice.
Me: "Prize? For what?"
Caleb:"For pooping."
Huh? Did I miss something? I think we all know that the child can poop. It is the location of the poop that I am more concerned with at this point.
Me:"You don't get a prize for pooping. You get a prize for pooping IN THE POTTY!"
Caleb:"NOOOOOOO!!! I WANT MY PRIZE!!!!!!!!!" Hear whining.
Me: "No Caleb. You poop in the potty to get a prize, not in your UNDERWEAR!!!"

And so the whining continues as does the discussion of why we have prizes in the first place for bowel movements. Side note here: Yesterday John caught him pooping in his underwear so he got him on the potty and in a round about way he did poop on the potty. To which I jumped up and down and he yelled:"No HAPPY!" I seriously do not think he wants to part with his poop.

Get Caleb cleaned up, no prize, and Linley is awake, dinner needs to be finished, John is home, and the boys have found the Cars tattoos...

At this point I must make two notes:
1.  Caleb is the object of a lot of my blogs.  This age that he is at is always entertaining and busy, Ethan was just like this, yes, poop and all.  I am so thankful for him, and all our children because they keep my life interesting, fun, and never dull.
2.  I am so glad I borrowed my sister's Bissell shampoo vaccuum today. God knew I would put it to good use.

Boys vs Girls

Well, the past couple weeks have been crazy.  Our grandmother passed away so it has been a very sad time for our family. But, during this time we were also blessed just because as a family we were able to come together and celebrate her life and enjoy being together.  So, we were able to hang out with my two neices for about a week, they are 6 and 3. So we had a 6, 5, 3, 3, and 6 month old for a few days. Hilarious is pretty much descriptive of our time. Here are a few examples along with just a few things have happened at our house since.

Caleb and Annalee are going at it in the pool (these are the two 3 year olds and second borns-Betsy and I have a few theories on second borns :P) They are using the noodles as weapons.  After Betsy and I about make our throats sore from, "Be kind to each other" We finally just let them go at it.  The difference between boys and girls: Annalee did cry and Caleb screamed "SORRY!" in not the nicest of tones.

We are at our parents' house and the kids are in the living room playing. Ethan runs in the room, bends over, grabs his rear end, and begins making loud pooting noises to no one in particular.  Seriously?  Of course, Betsy and I bust out laughing and he is confused as to why we are laughing.


Now, to just a few things that happened at our house lately:

It is the sweetest thing ever to hear Ethan and Caleb pretend playing cars and Katie Beth and Annalee are in the other cars.

Linley had  a dirty diaper so I tied it up in a Wal-Mart sack. Before heading to church to work on some stuff I actually caught myself saying, "BOYS!! DO NOT THROW THE DIRTY DIAPER AT EACH OTHER!!"  Yes, the dirty diaper was thrown everywhere in our house, much to Linley's entertainment. 

Yesterday, I looked out the window and my mouth dropped to the ground.  John is playing with the boys in the pool. They are being launched like airplanes.  Do I see screaming and crying? No, they are going as fast as they possibly can getting back to John saying, "higher, HIGHER!"

I'm giving the boys a bath.  Then comes the discussion on male anatomy.  What are these? Why are they round? What are they called? What are they for? Do you have them? Does sister?  Oh I wish Dad were in here to hear this one!

Today, the boys decided that Thomas the Train needed to fall in a pond. Of course, I say sure. I mean why not, Thomas needs a bath now and then.  My rule is that the water has to be on the hardwood. So, after a couple scares of water being dropped all over the floor, Thomas makes it in the pond.  Then, Ethan decides that Caleb shouldn't put one of his train cars in the water, too late, so Ethan snatches it out. Caleb of course screams at him and then proceeds to dump the entire "Pond" in the floor.  After an almost time out I decide that the "Punishment must fit the crime" (Yes, we love Parent Trap) so all of the towels are put to good use. 

Then, we get busy playing basketball. Before the game begins I walk into their room and I see Caleb STANDING on top of the dresser.  (Just a picture: this is a 5 drawer dresser with no mirror.) Why? You may ask. Well, I asked the same question...I get the look, duh mom. Then an explanation that Caleb has to be able to hit the basketball goal.  My next step, Caleb get off of the dresser. Of course, I thought he would climb down the same way he got up there. Oh no, not Caleb, daredevil jumped off the top of the dresser.  I ran in the room and he's rubbing his head.  Are you serious?  Are you okay? Yeah Mom. 

Then, it's time for a wrestling match.  I'm telling you, I may be bruised for weeks after this. But, apparently it was a big hit, literally.  To be on even ground I have to play on my knees and they get to run at me and try their hardest to tackle me. Yes, it was fun, they had a blast.  Scared me to death when one would jump off the bed and try to tack me in the air and the other would run at me from the other side of the room.

John comes home and the boys are talking about their pants being wet. Naturally, John wants to know why.
Me: Thomas took a dip in the pond.
John: On the hardwood.
Me: Yes.
John: Do you think that was the best idea?
Me: Definitely, the floors needed mopping.
John: Oh. What did you mop them with?
Me: The towels on the floor. 

I thought my logic was spot on. At least the floors got scrubbed today :)

About time

Yes, so I am a couple days behind, but time has been busy this week. Here are the highlights from the past couple days.

Yesterday morning Linley is up at 5:30 for a bottle then John and I head outside to shuck corn.  Yes, at 5:45 in the morning we are shucking corn. Our cows and goat were happy.  Then, John thinks he hears one of the kids. I go check and sure enough, Caleb is sitting in the hallway at 6:15 crying.  He wants warm milk.  Early morning. 

Later,  I'm doing prayer time in the my room with Ethan snuggling on the bed.  We hear the door open and close. Ethan: "I think Caleb just went outside."  Yes, he has to have his morning bathroom break outside off the backporch.  20 seconds later here comes Caleb down the hall. "MOM!!" Then Caleb walks into my room in his pj's, kind of.  He's got his shirt on but is missing something. His pajama shorts, he has fashioned them as a new hat on his head.  Very trendy. 

Trip to Radio Shack.  Man, I'm proud of my boys, they're walking around the store just staring in amazement while the owner is busy with another customer and I'm waiting.  It's my turn.  Then, I hear a loud crash.  Pride shot down along with two 32" flat screen tv's that Ethan accidently backed into. At least they were in boxes.  My nerves now on edge so boys are forced to stand directly behind me during transaction. But wait, there are shelves right there that are just perfect for little boys to step on.  More loud crashes.  At this point the owner looks at them and says:"Those will throw them off." No kidding?  Did he think I was whispering to my kids, "Boys, go jump up and down on those shelves!!"  We can't get out of there fast enough.  Now, a trip across the street to the post office, park, and now Wal-Mart.  I forgot my Lysol. Ugh.  So, load the trio up, Linley strapped to me in my knock-off Moby wrap, Caleb in the front of the buggee and then Ethan in the basket.  We walk in and what do we always do first? Clean the buggee.  So, I pass out wipes and the boys are responsible for scrubbing down their part of the buggee.  Man, they scrubbed well. Then, trash those and out comes the handsanitizer.  The boys want to eat chicken nuggets while we shop so we have to clean them right?  Germaphobe? Yes.  But, the three people sitting at the window at Subway in Wal-Mart were having a good laugh at this crazy Mom.  So pumped, I didn't have to plank with LInley attached to me in the aisle at Wal-mart. 

Back at home, the boys are at each others' throats and I've had enough. off to time-out they go.  Door slammed.  OH well, at least it's quiet on my end of the house. Then the house begins to shake. Mental note: boys need separate rooms for timeout. It's more of playtime without Mom in the room.  The dresser was cleaned off, everything was in the floor. The basketball goal was turned over in the floor. At least the dresser wasn't emptied. 

VBS every night this week at church. 

Cut off all the corn while the kids had rest time and Linley napped.
At 9:30 I begin boxing all the corn-ended up with 61 quarts at 10:30 p.m. The house smelled good:)

This morning, the boys are going to play at Mammy's. They want to spend the night. BUt wait, you can't, we have VBS again. Then Caleb's fit begins.  He no go to church!!!!  Yes, you know you've been spending a lot of time at church when your kid doesn't want to go to VBS due to the fact that we have lived there the past week getting ready.  Side note-he didn't stay in his class tonight, ended up with Dad and the big kids. Oh well.  At least he made it. 

Spent the majority of the night with Linley strapped to me.  What a workout. At the end of the night I keep smelling something, Man, those kids are stinking.  I get home, wait, that's not the kids. It was me. Busy night.  VBS is a blast, I love it and I think my kids do too!! Just an overview of out week this week.  Never a dull moment!

Lately

It's been a while since I've been able to blog. Mostly because exhaustion usually sets in before I get to do this at 9:30 at night. John says I'm always tired, I agree.

The poop saga continues. Yesterday I had all three kids pooping by 11. I think, "Yay. At least we're already done with this." No such luck. Caleb, of course, poops in his underwear several times. I don't think much about it when I see Ethan with some baby powder on him. He is five, he likes to take care of himself. But then, Caleb has some on him. Okay, what's up with this? I ask Ethan, his reply:"Caleb did it." "Did what?" Is my next thought. Enter boys' room. A snow hill is what their dresser resembled. I actually didn't blow up but calmly and rationally stated, with not much compassion:"You have to clean every bit of that up with wash cloths now." I turn and walk out, and off they go to gather the cleaning supplies. Linley is in need of something so off I go to deal with her while the boys go to their snow chute to start cleaning. I come back to check on them but there is still white on the dresser. Okay, at this point I'm getting irritated. FInally, I come to the bottom of it. Ethan:"Mom, that's Butt Paste that Caleb painted on it." Oh great. Butt Paste is similar to Desitin but it's just big boy medicine. No, it does not wipe off like powder. Scrub hard and it may come off. Then all of a sudden the boys are cleaning with their wet rags the race track on their wall. Hey, that's fine with me. At least they're cleaning. Note: tonight I still saw some Butt Paste on the dresser and there is still baby powder on the top of it that just didn't get clean. Oh well, at least we know Butt Paste sticks well.

Caleb is now three, as I'm sure you know. 3 is such a wonderful age. Your young child growing stronger, getting taller, becoming more independent, growing more stubborn and less rational as you go. Now, I think Caleb has a guilty conscience since he's not pooping in the potty. Every other word that comes out of that child's mouth has something to do with poop. A word of affection: "Hey Poopey." A word of anger:"POOPOO, DOODOO, PEEPEE." A word of rebellion: "You're poopie Mommy." Whenever he must express himself it always comes out with these words. I think he feels bad that he's not pooping in the potty. Really. I do. Now, though, his fits are not rational yet but they are getting there. He tells me he doesn't want self-control. Really? I think I got that.

Linley is starting to get the hang of it with these boys. THe other day my twin sis was here visiting and we were trying to get all the kids out to the pool. It just didn't happen with Linley, she pooped in her swimmer diaper so I just change her and put her to bed, it's time anyway. It's 105 degrees outside so I just lay her down with a diaper. She sleeps so soundly then it's time for her to get up. Well, she must have gotten bored or just trying to figure things out. We walk into her room to get her and there she is, in all her glory, nude with a diaper lying next to her. Yes, she took it off. The child is only 5 months old. Already? Makes me nervous.

Well, all are asleep and that's where I want to be. Good night.

Frazzled Female

At our church we've been doing a Bible study on the "Frazzled Female." I'm pretty sure God had me in mind.

Went for a morning run before everyone got up. So peaceful outside, me and my love/hate relationship with running was at full force, but I finished.
Enter house-6:40 A.M.-Mickey Mouse already on, one boy already up, baby crying in the monitor.
Got the baby fed and Caleb wants to go out so we go ahead. It's 7:15. Tend to the animals, put Linley in the stroller, water the melons and pumpkins; green beans need to be picked.  Ethan comes outside and finds me in the garden.  We spend a while outside and everyone is pretty content, then Linley gets upset so Ethan pushes her over to me in the garden.   Linley crying and Ethan singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".  Sweetest. Thing. Ever.

It's time to go in, get her back in bed, get the boys fed.  My craziness ensues. Eat that frog, a book I've read about doing the things that you have to get done that you put off, was my morning. I ate lots of frogs. 

Poop in the underwear of course, must deal with that.  Linley wakes up from a nap early because of a dirty diaper. More poop. 

It's time for one of our dear friends' birthday party at the local yogurt shop. Note: I didn't feed the boys lunch before we went.  Ethan made his own creation of frozen yogurt  while Caleb filled his cup (barely anything) with gummies, sour worms, and cereal. Odd but he was perfectly content.  Yogurt eaten now it's time for cupcakes.  All the boys are hanging out in the "cool area" that consists of black leather furniture. My two take up residence in the couch.  Ethan and Caleb need help taking the wrapper off of their cupcakes, Linley wants yellow icing so dips her finger in it while I'm trying to get it off.  Sugar hits. Ethan decides that it would be so much fun to roll over the couch.  I'm dealing with Linley when I hear, "Uh oh Mom." I turn and look and what do I see? Ethan, standing with his back to me, a yellow cupcake stuck neatly to his back. He had rolled right over Caleb's delicious cupcake.  Did that really just happen? I mean, come on, can you plan something like that? I just wish I had a camera.  Cupcake off of Ethan's back, now it's time open the presents.  My boys are having trouble paying attention, they are all over each other in one of the chairs while Linley thinks that because her brothers are being so loud she needs to participate so she is screaming at the top of her lungs (happy screaming).  Hearing myself say in an ice cream parlor: "Get off the top of your brother," and "Caleb, gets your hands out of your pants," are once again sayings that teach me lessons in humility; not to mention the big yellow circle on the back of Ethan's shirt.

Head home and all four of the grandparents end up at our house today. It's canning time.  I'm busy putting up spaghetti sauce when Caleb comes in the kitchen, "Mom, I pooped." Here we go AGAIN.  How many times can the kid poop in one day? "Hold on. Go to the bathroom and I'll be there in a second." After just a minute or so of coming to a stopping point I head to the bathroom. I walk into the hallway and what do I see? A trail of toilet paper still on the roll connected from the bathroom all the way down the hall.  Frazzled Female could have said in a nicer tone but did not fly completely off the handle: "Roll it all back up." I get him cleaned up again.  At this poop I think I just threw him in the tub.  I can't remember which one today.   On his leg, in the floor, on the rug, they all just seem to run together.  It was at this point that the threats come out.  I think he may spend a lot of time practicing on the potty tomorrow. 

John's home, supper is on the table. Yummy: blt's fresh from our garden tomatoes, homemade potato salad,  green peppers, potato chips. Caleb's dinner consisited of potato chips and lettuce in ranch. He did eat one piece of bacon. 

It's time to go outside. The boys end up in the pool. We just purchased an above ground pool for them.  Linley's fussing so I get to put her to sleep and grab a few minutes peace and quiet in the house to sew. Apparently during this swimming episode Caleb gets chocked on water and vomits up the lettuce.  This makes Ethan take a walk on memory lane from the time we were at the beach. He chocked and threw up sausage so he tells Caleb.  Delicious.

Linley is now in the tub when the wild indians come into the house. Her eyes were enormous. I wonder what she is thinking when it's all peaceful then all of a sudden you hear what sounds like elephants running through a china shop?  John gets to feed her and I bathe the boys.  I walk in and they are playing so well together. Wow, that is so nice.  Then I hear the conversation:
Ethan with army man: "Ohhh, I'm going to throw up!!!!!!!!!!" Pooting sounds come from his mouth and the army man dives into the water.
Caleb with plastic tiger: "Ohhhh. I'm going to throw up!!!!!" Pooting sounds come from his mouth and his tiger dives into the water.
Now we have a nice conversation that when you throw up you don't have pooting sounds come out of your mouth.  Ethan determines that this throw up was coming out of the other end. Nice. 

Hurry, bedtime coming and they want snacks. I guess all that throw up talk.  Bedtime early.  PTL.

Father's Day Blessings

Wow.  God has blessed us with a lot of things this Father's Day.

Tried to let John sleep in this morning and get breakfast made and tend to the animals and get us all ready for church.  Well, that all didn't happen but we did end up at church earlier than normal and the boys' hair was brushed. However, I have to note that before John even got up I already had one in timeout, a threat to completely ban Thomas the trains for an entire week, a baby fed, breakfast almost done, a wet head, and the animals not fed. Ugh.  Gallant effort, sometimes I set unrealistic goals though.

Made it to eat Los Portales with the family with two grumpy boys-both who fell asleep on the way to the restaurant which made for peachy attitudes when we woke them up to go into a crowded area. Did I mention Linley slept through all of it, at least most of it despite her brothers?  In the car I now have a new rule: DO NOT TOUCH YOUR SISTER IF SHE IS SLEEPING.  Their logic "She doesn't wake up anyway." My logic, "You just woke her up."  She even slept at the restaurant, until Caleb, who managed to take his blanky into the Mexican restaurant (guess he wants to be able to smell it later) and whack her in the head with it and wake her up. He wanted her to wake up and celebrate :)

Betsy (my twin sis), Matt (her hubs), and the girls are here for the weekend so we went over to Mams and Pops' house.  Even though Dad wasn't feeling too well he put up with all the screaming, running, door slamming, and whining. 
Made it to Mammy and Pappy's house for banana ice cream.  Now, I can tell you for sure Ethan is my child. Mammy had homemade ice cream and what does Ethan want to do and actually whines about?  Eating ice cream before dinner. Really, does he actually think I will agree to that? I mean, I will do that for myself, but my children? Come on, I have to show self-control on their behalf!   Now, John has been fighting a headache all day so he goes down for the count at their house. I get Linley, fed, everyone bathed, wake John up to go home, and we finally make it there after much, and I do mean much whining. 

At home, John disappears for what turns into one of his worst headaches he's ever had and now three children have to be put to bed plus the animals all decided to drink all of their water today so tending to the animals must be done as well. 30 minutes later, cats fed/watered, chickens/turkeys fed/watered, cows/goats fed/watered, and now we have a screaming baby who is ready to get to bed. I get her changed and I notice something about her diaper, "when did this size two diaper get so monstrous?"  Oh well, just tighten it up and off to bed.  Time to put the boys' to bed and where is Caleb's overnight size 6 diaper? Oh wait, no wonder Linley's diaper was so big on her... it was CALEB's!!!!!  Duh, get that changed and Linley in bed. Now, Ethan can't find his blanky.  After much searching I call Mammy. Yep, it's in Fulton at their house.  Can we go get it tonight?  No, Son, we cannot go get it tonight. Finally, everyone is in bed, the house is quiet, saying prayers that John feels better, that Linley actually sleeps despite the fact she only drank half of her bottle before bed, and Ethan's blanket is MIA. 

We survived. So thankful to God for the blessings He's given us.   Yes, there is whining, yes it is crazy, yes it is wild, but man, so many blessings from Him on this Father's Day. Happy Father's Day to John. Our children are blessed beyond measure as am I to have that man in our life who adores his children, trains them up, and truly is my partner in everything we do. Happy Father's Day to my dad too!!

Ha ha you stuck in there

As you can imagine, this is one of those days with a three year old boy who is sewing some wild oats for sure.  Of course,an older brother to ag things on and then a little sister to make him jealous sometime all add up to a very eventful day. 

Morning:  I'm on the stairclimber briefly talking to my MIL trying to work out going to see my grandmother in the hospital (say a prayer for her while you read this if you don't mind).  Caleb has been up before 7 and now needs more "warm milk." So, since I'm not paying close attention to him and getting off my stairclimber what does the child do? He chunks his sippee cup at me and screams.  Oh no you didn't.  Time out before 7:15 in the morning.

Mammy gets here so I can go visit my grandmother in the hospital.  Before I go I'm tending to our newly hatched turkeys.  They are in the back  shed.  Caleb is in there with me petting them while I'm feeding and watering them. All of a sudden the door is closed and I don't think anything about it. I go to walk out and I hear "Ha ha. You stuck in there Mama."  Did I mention that it is already mid-80's by this point of the day?  So my threat, "Caleb Thomas Cole if you do not open this door right now you are in BIG trouble!" His reply as he is unlocking the door, " I caaannnn't."  Open door.  I start in on my lecture, "Caleb, you NEVER lock anyone in this shed."  Did I mention we had been playing guns all morning with the nerf guns so he's carrying it around?  He looks at me, gun in hand and pretends to shoot me. Nice. Side note-I had my cell with me, and this shed could be taken down by a few good kicks and a 2 X 4, plus you can see through the slats in the shed,  the lock being a piece of wood on a nail.

Caleb poops for Mammy two times while I'm gone. Hey, at least I'm gone.

Home from the hospital and the afternoon begins.  A brief animal dvd for some much needed quiet time and then here comes Caleb, pantless again. "Mom I pooped." Great, get him cleaned up and it's time for us to go outside to play. Enter Ethan. "Mom, guess what's on the porch?" Can you guess?  I open the back door and there is my gift waiting for me. Mercy, how much can one kid poop in a day?

Did I mention that my Bible study this week is having a positive attitude no matter what the situation? Enter Bible study in action. Tball practice outside along with "workers" as they call it. Think PigPen from Peanuts. Now it's time to go in, cool off, get ready for t-ball.  I hear the famous whine, "I need more warm miiiillllkkkk." No.  Sorry kid, but you've had like 7 cups so far. No.  Meltdown ensues.  Instruction from me, get to your room if you're going to meltdown. 30 minutes later, a baby woke up by the fit, a bottle, and a resting 5 year old and he can finally come out of his room because he's done with the fit. But wait, he can't come out of his room-he's asleep.    Really?

A t-ball game where big brother's team gets runner-up and only a minor meltdown at the game and we made it through our day. Somedays it really is survival of the fittest.